Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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