Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
