I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
