DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
