but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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