she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
