Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
