Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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