the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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