In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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