i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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