dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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