at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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