the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
