JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
