You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
