she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
