You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
