Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
