Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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