After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
