so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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