im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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