Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
