was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
