Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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