Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
