I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
