Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
