woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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