I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
