She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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