So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
