i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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