We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
