Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
