I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Apparently you make a good broom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
