glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
