i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
