he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
