If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
