I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
