in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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