He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were trust falling into bushes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
