a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
