We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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