you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
