What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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