Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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