I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
