Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
