I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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