I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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