guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
