I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
