I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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