I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
