What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
