That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
